Who really am I?
My husband and I live on a beautiful small-holding in the Cape Winelands, which we have developed into a popular resort for church and family outings. Other than my family, no gift on earth could be greater than the privilege of living in the farmlands – I am daily grateful.
I like to view life from an eternal perspective and at the same time be fully absorbed in the amazing present moment, staying aware of how the two dimensions are constantly interacting. I love God and all the beauty He has created around us to reveal His nature. As our Designer, He allows each one of us to express something of Himself in a unique way. There is only one of me, and there is only one of you!
I enjoy solitude, one-on-one interaction with close friends and family, strolling with the dogs, and road trips with my husband. Choice leisure activities include reading, and watching the occasional art movie, but I'm very particular and find it difficult to find good books and movies that do not focus on the dark side of life. Some of my favourite things are thunder and rain, stationery, horses, fields of wheat, and ginger cats.
I would cheerfully never go shopping or cook if I could avoid it. I don't like big parties, crowds, or fast driving, and don’t watch TV much, or read newspapers.
My heart goes out to those who feel lost and alone, because I know how it feels.
A BRIEF HISTORY . . .
I was born in Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe), one of four children, in the days before TV, cell phones, and computers. We lived on my father’s tobacco and cattle farm, playing barefoot in the dust in a make-believe world of secret houses and wild horses. I was a gentle, extremely sensitive child, who suffered agonies over hurt animals, the unhappiness of my parent’s marriage, and my own fears of so many things. Being abandoned at boarding school at the age of six was traumatic.
By sixteen I was a mixed up, rebellious teenager, hating everything, including myself. I could not wait to be free, but a year after leaving school, I gave up my first child for adoption, painfully conscious of my immaturity. Immediately afterwards, I followed my heart to Cape Town, hoping to escape my past. Here, I lived footloose for a while, and then backpacked around Europe for two wonderful years – often on my own. But on returning to a formal job back in the Cape, I began to experience black depression, feelings of hopelessness and horrible self-doubt. "Who am I and who is God?" was my desperate heart cry.
. . . AND A BRIEF TESTIMONY
I searched frantically and indiscriminately through religions and philosophies and became more and more confused. I was getting stoned, reading the I-Ching and books on eastern religions, as well as the Bible, crying out to God to show me who He was. His answer was the last thing I expected to hear.
Jesus?
A friend took me to an informal Christian meeting, and the minute I walked in I knew I had found what I was searching for – it was alight on the people's faces. I left that meeting a ‘born-again’ Christian, dazed and knowing nothing about what it meant, except that the heavy weight in my heart had mysteriously lifted.
Back at work again, too frightened to say anything and beginning to wonder if it was all real, a brazen atheist at the office confronted me with the question, “What have you done to your skin?”
“N-nothing,” I squeaked.
“You must have done something,” she insisted. “It looks clean on the inside!”
Cleansed by the blood of Jesus! I only understood what this meant very much later, but something real had happened and it showed outwardly. I knew I was changed forever.
Here I would like to say, “I lived happily ever after”, but it wasn’t like that at all. The journey had only just begun.
Many things changed for the better, but I continued to stumble and hurt, longing for the joy that Jesus promises. I got married, which only intensified my emotional struggles. But I kept on reaching for the Light because I knew – I knew – I had found the Way, the Truth and the Life. I began to learn the truth about the lies I had believed about myself, and gradually inner healing and deliverance came.
The journey continues. I have so very much to be thankful for, so many stories to tell of God’s kindness, how He has given me the desires of my heart and done "immeasurably more than I have asked or could imagine" (Ephesians 3:20). Life is not all roses – I don’t believe it’s meant to be – but I know I am blessed forever and I can say with confidence: God is real, God is good, and his name is Jesus!
I like to view life from an eternal perspective and at the same time be fully absorbed in the amazing present moment, staying aware of how the two dimensions are constantly interacting. I love God and all the beauty He has created around us to reveal His nature. As our Designer, He allows each one of us to express something of Himself in a unique way. There is only one of me, and there is only one of you!
I enjoy solitude, one-on-one interaction with close friends and family, strolling with the dogs, and road trips with my husband. Choice leisure activities include reading, and watching the occasional art movie, but I'm very particular and find it difficult to find good books and movies that do not focus on the dark side of life. Some of my favourite things are thunder and rain, stationery, horses, fields of wheat, and ginger cats.
I would cheerfully never go shopping or cook if I could avoid it. I don't like big parties, crowds, or fast driving, and don’t watch TV much, or read newspapers.
My heart goes out to those who feel lost and alone, because I know how it feels.
A BRIEF HISTORY . . .
I was born in Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe), one of four children, in the days before TV, cell phones, and computers. We lived on my father’s tobacco and cattle farm, playing barefoot in the dust in a make-believe world of secret houses and wild horses. I was a gentle, extremely sensitive child, who suffered agonies over hurt animals, the unhappiness of my parent’s marriage, and my own fears of so many things. Being abandoned at boarding school at the age of six was traumatic.
By sixteen I was a mixed up, rebellious teenager, hating everything, including myself. I could not wait to be free, but a year after leaving school, I gave up my first child for adoption, painfully conscious of my immaturity. Immediately afterwards, I followed my heart to Cape Town, hoping to escape my past. Here, I lived footloose for a while, and then backpacked around Europe for two wonderful years – often on my own. But on returning to a formal job back in the Cape, I began to experience black depression, feelings of hopelessness and horrible self-doubt. "Who am I and who is God?" was my desperate heart cry.
. . . AND A BRIEF TESTIMONY
I searched frantically and indiscriminately through religions and philosophies and became more and more confused. I was getting stoned, reading the I-Ching and books on eastern religions, as well as the Bible, crying out to God to show me who He was. His answer was the last thing I expected to hear.
Jesus?
A friend took me to an informal Christian meeting, and the minute I walked in I knew I had found what I was searching for – it was alight on the people's faces. I left that meeting a ‘born-again’ Christian, dazed and knowing nothing about what it meant, except that the heavy weight in my heart had mysteriously lifted.
Back at work again, too frightened to say anything and beginning to wonder if it was all real, a brazen atheist at the office confronted me with the question, “What have you done to your skin?”
“N-nothing,” I squeaked.
“You must have done something,” she insisted. “It looks clean on the inside!”
Cleansed by the blood of Jesus! I only understood what this meant very much later, but something real had happened and it showed outwardly. I knew I was changed forever.
Here I would like to say, “I lived happily ever after”, but it wasn’t like that at all. The journey had only just begun.
Many things changed for the better, but I continued to stumble and hurt, longing for the joy that Jesus promises. I got married, which only intensified my emotional struggles. But I kept on reaching for the Light because I knew – I knew – I had found the Way, the Truth and the Life. I began to learn the truth about the lies I had believed about myself, and gradually inner healing and deliverance came.
The journey continues. I have so very much to be thankful for, so many stories to tell of God’s kindness, how He has given me the desires of my heart and done "immeasurably more than I have asked or could imagine" (Ephesians 3:20). Life is not all roses – I don’t believe it’s meant to be – but I know I am blessed forever and I can say with confidence: God is real, God is good, and his name is Jesus!
